Custom sub, resync: Xenzai[NEF]
See that aspiring model there?
That was me-- Deb-- until the day I died.
I thought I'd go straight to heaven, but there was a bit of a mix-up...
and I woke up in someone else's body.
So now I'm Jane...
a super-busy lawyer with my very own assistant.
I got a new life, a new wardrobe, and the only people who really know...
what's going on with me are my girlfriend Stacy and my guardian angel, Fred.
I used to think everything happened for a reason...
and, well, I sure hope I was right.
* Don't ask me how I'm doin' if you don't wanna know *
* I stayed up too late, woke up late *
* Oh, you know how it goes *
* Give off the vibe that everything's fine *
* As long as you, long as you don't look in my eyes *
* It's all going just so perfectly wrong *
* Hey, hey, hey, what can I say? *
* It's just one of those, one of those days *
* Hey, hey, hey, what can I say? *
* It's just one of those... *
Somebody's shooting!
- What are you doing? - Vacuuming.
But you don't vacuum or dust or unload the dishwasher.
- Well, who paid all the rent last month? - Never mind.
I have been up for an hour. I want details about last night.
Tell me everything!
Stacy, what happened on your date with Fred?
What are you talking about?
I saw you kiss him. I saw you leave with him.
And I was up very, very late, and I did not hear you come home.
Details-- spill them.
- Who's Fred? - Oh, no.
- Stacy, please don't do this again. - What am I doing?
If last night didn't go well, then you can't just pretend he doesn't exist...
like you did with Tim and Marco.
I didn't act like they didn't exist.
I just stopped calling them back or referring to them by name.
Look, Fred's... different from those guys.
And I work with him. And if you break his little heart...
- I'm gonna have to pick up the pieces. - I haven't broken anyone's heart.
- Are you okay? - Fine.
If you don't want to tell me about Fred, then I'm not going to tell you...
about my dinner with Grayson.
You had dinner with Grayson?!
- Aah! - Shut up!
Okay, he came over right after you left. Crazy. And it was just like old times.
Except without the touching nor the kissing nor the sex. Mm-hmm.
True. But he talked all about Deb.
And then right around dessert, I told him.
- You did not! - No. I really wanted to, though.
Ah, dinner with Grayson.
See, that you could have gotten me out of bed for.
You could have pounded on my door and dragged me out of bed for that.
Oh, no!
I have a motor-oil-commercial audition, and I still have to find the perfect bikini.
Ugh. You can use a bikini to sell anything.
I know. Yay, America, right?
Tonight, I want every detail about your dinner a la Grayson.
As long as you tell me about Fred. Quid pro quo.
Um, that's lawyer for you tell me about your dinner, I'll tell you about mine.
Stacy!
- Have you seen Fred? - Who?
Working bankers' hours, Jane?
- Bitch said what? - What?
- I didn't say anything. - Black over black. Nice.
- Are we attending a ritual sacrifice? - Only if it's yours.
Staff meeting. You are planning on joining us?
Ugh. She makes me cranky.
I hate those meetings. Everyone talking-- It's like...
"Blah, blah. I'm a lawyer, and I'm a lawyer. And blah, blah lawyer."
Uh, well, you're gonna be late for the "blah, blah".
You have a new client in your office. She showed up this morning and told Parker she wanted you.
Oh!
I read about your success with the Lucy Tyner case--
The waitress who was fired for being plus-sized.
- Oh, did the same thing happen to you? - Me? No.
No, this is about my daughter Hannah.
She's been on this diet, "The Jillian Ford EZ Thin Plan".
Oh, yeah, I've seen the ads. "Get thin and stay thin."
Well, if it doesn't work, um... ooh, we could sue for false advertising.
No, actually, it does work. It works too well.
I don't understand.
Hannah was miserable in school. She- she hated how she looked.
And so she read about this diet on the internet--
Jillian Ford.
She begged me to get her the 12-month plan.
So, she lost weight... fast...
Too fast.
Well, if you want her to stop losing weight...
um, my advice is pie.
Bake her a pie. Everybody loves pie.
Ms. Bingum, a couple weeks ago...
Hannah felt light-headed.
And last Wednesday, she fainted in class.
She was in the hospital overnight.
And now the doctor's saying that there's something wrong with her heart.
She has arrhythmia.
She didn't have that before this diet.
Oh.
- I'm-- I'm sorry. - I mean, I can't force her to eat, right?
I mean, to Hannah, I'm already the wicked witch...
and Jillian Ford is some fairy godmother.
Before I cut off the internet, she was getting daily supportive e-mails from Jillian...
you know, "Way to go. Keep it off." You know, all part of the service.
Well, if this diet is as dangerous as you say it is, then there should be warnings.
Yeah, well, there aren't.
Okay, uh, onto a little housekeeping.
People, we're living in tough economic times. Let's watch those expense reports.
Not every client needs to eat at Mozza.
Excuse me. Meeting.
Yeah, I'm looking for Kim Kaswell.
Oh, right here.
If that's from Prada, you can just have my assistant put it in my office.
Ms. Kaswell...
you've been served.
Is this a joke?
For a moment there, I thought he was gonna strip.
My former assistant Adam is suing me...
for sexual harassment.
The firm, too.
Okay. This just became a very different meeting.
Sorry I'm late.
Oh, Kim, did that UPS guy find you?
What'd I miss?
Go away.
Okay, what is the point of knocking if you're just gonna barge right in?
Hannah, don't be rude. This is Ms. Bingum.
She is the lawyer who's going to help us with our case.
Put the phone away. You're going to talk to her.
That's a really cool phone. Did you bedazzle it yourself?
So why did my mom pick you, to make a point?
- What point? - You know...
that big is beautiful or something like that?
That's harsh. Am I making fun of your Zac Efron posters?
I'm sorry. That was mean.
I just don't feel that great.
- You hungry? - Duh.
My mom stole all of my EZ Thin bars.
And that was after she blocked the website from our computer...
as if I don't have any friends that have internet.
Well, it looks like you have got lunch sitting right there.
I already had my 500 calories for the day.
500 calories?
Yikes. That's like four crackers and a raisin.
You sound like my mom.
Look, Jillian is the real deal.
You know, she was heavier than me-- Well, the old me.
And she took charge of her life, and that's what I'm doing.
Hmm.
You see that dress over there?
Oh, cute.
I know. It's perfect.
I bought it when I was 6 sizes bigger, and now I'm wearing it to a dance.
I totally get it.
Here's the problem-- You keep this up...
they're gonna have to hold that dance in the hospital.
You don't know what you're talking about.
Hannah, you're starving yourself.
Your mother hired me to sue Jillian Ford. And if this goes to court...
I'd want you to testify.
Absolutely.
You know what I'll say?
Before I went on the Jillian diet, nobody ever talked to me.
And then I dropped 40 pounds, and I got friends.
I can shop at forever 21, and guys like me.
My whole life changed.
- What about your heart arrhythmia? - I'm fine.
- Your mother doesn't think so. - Listen, my mom is happy...
Being the way she is.
I wasn't, and...
I did something about it.
"During the firm Christmas party, Ms. Kaswell cornered Adam Bay in her office...
"and forced him to watch as she ate chocolate cake...
in a heightened and lascivious sexual manner."
- It does not say that. - I couldn't make that up.
The guy sounds crazy. He's just out to humiliate you.
- Yeah, well, mission accomplished. - "Ms. Kaswell then locked her office door...
"and tried to kiss Adam Bay.
Adam Bay resisted and was fired the next day."
The only thing he got right is that I fired him. The kid was inept.
He couldn't work an electric stapler.
Noted.
This is a nuisance suit.
Disgruntled employee gets the ax and tries to get even.
That's right. If we settle with him, we'll just encourage more of these.
I agree. That said, his attorney sent this over.
What is it?
Allegedly, Adam captured your encounter on his cellphone video.
- What? - You mind?
Whatever.
Oh, look at you.
Mmm. I've been waiting for this all night.
Come to mama.
Mmm.
Okay, so this isn't...
great.
Oh, God, you're so beautiful.
Seriously? It's cake.
Look, I work really hard to stay fit. And when I do indulge...
in a piece of chocolate cake every now and then, I enjoy it.
- Sue me. - That's what he's doing.
I'm gonna call Adam's attorney and schedule a settlement conference.
I'd like you both there. There will be coffee.
No cake.
Ooh! You look fergalicious!
I haven't been in a bikini in a week.
- Oh, I have to lose, like, three major pounds. - Please don't make me kill you.
I'm still waiting for the rest of the Grayson story.
There's not much more to tell. I chickened out and didn't tell him I was Deb.
But I really wanted to.
So, invite him to another dinner, open a couple bottles of wine, and spill.
- I can't. - Why not?
Because of Fred. I promised him I wouldn't tell.
Okay, I don't want to hear any more about this make-believe Fred person.
Sweetie, did you sign up for the Jillian Ford diet?
- Let's do it together! - No. I didn't.
I'm suing Ms. Ford.
What? Why? Models swear by her diet.
Kecia Long-- she does all those lingerie spreads--
She goes on Jillian Ford every year after the holidays...
and loses, like, 20 pounds in 2 weeks.
Wait, isn't Kecia the one who tried to get us to eat nothing but maple syrup for a month?
- What happened to her? - Um, I think her colon exploded.
Mm-hmm.
Jillian's diet is making my client's daughter really sick.
I had these EZ Thin bars analyzed by a lab.
Ooh. Look at you all "CSI".
You know what's in them? Caffeine, guarine, and ephedrine.
Is that last one from "Dreamgirls"?
That's basically speed disguised as nutritional supplements.
Yeah.
But does it work?
No, no, no, no. We do not eat the evidence.
Good luck!
"Jane, turns out I broke, like, 62 rules when I kissed Stacy...
"and I've been transferred back to the home office.
"I'd ask you to tell her it was worth it, but...
"she won't know what you're talking about.
"When I left, all memories of me were erased except yours.
"Rules are rules.
"Take care of yourself, Jane.
"I'm still looking out for you, just from higher up.
Best, Fred."
We're asking for an injunction shutting down the program...
and a settlement large enough to send a message.
- Great. - Yeah.
- Oh, my God! That's her! - Hannah!
Hi! I'm Hannah Porter.
- Hello. You're the girl who's-- - Oh, it was my mom's idea.
- I think you're awesome. - Oh. Thank you, darling.
Wow. Very cold hands.
Nice to meet you. Stay away from my daughter.
Mom!
Excuse me.
It doesn't seem like your client is terribly invested.
Perhaps we could settle this lawsuit for, uh...
an autographed photo.
My client is 15...
and she doesn't need role models teaching her how to starve herself.
Counsel, you know better than to directly engage my client.
I approached her. I did.
Listen, bringing this to trial will cost a lot of time and money.
Ms. Ford, we're more than happy to avoid court...
as soon as you bring your products up to FDA standards and post warning labels.
Are you kidding? Ms. Bingum, I use these products myself...
and I am, by far, the healthiest person in this conversation.
Besides, who would buy a diet program with warning labels?
Well, say hello to the point.
- We will see you in court. - Can't wait.
What?
Nothing. I didn't say anything.
- You were about to. - You're right.
I wanted to say that we're all behind you.
Don't worry. It's gonna be a piece of cake.
Adam Bay is in the conference room. If you'd rather stay out here--
No, no, no, no. I want to see that little cockroach face-to-face.
Okay.
Just try not to strangle him 'cause there will be witnesses.
No promises.
Let Parker do the talking. This will all be over soon.
Fine. I won't say a word.
$200,000? Are you out of your mind?!
- It does seem a little high. - Yeah, and so do they.
- You're right. She does have temper. - She can't control herself. That's why I'm here.
- You son of a bitch. - Kim.
Adam was traumatized by his experience...
and has been unable to find work in the legal profession.
Seems to me your client is lying his ass off, which makes him perfect for the legal profession.
Kim, let's try and keep this constructive.
You have our number.
24 hours, or we go to a jury.
Adam.
Ugh!
- She'll take a lot less. - I didn't do anything.
I understand that, but a jury might not.
And if you lose at trial, I can't keep you at the firm.
Your reputation becomes a liability, and my insurance company won't allow it.
I don't care. Let's go to trial. I'll represent myself if I have to.
You don't have to do that. I'll represent Kim.
Employment law was my focus at Pearson.
Parker, please.
We can beat this.
Okay.
But know that her career with us is effectively over if you don't.
Hey, I meant to thank you for that dinner the other night.
Oh. Of course. It's my pleasure.
- English muffin? - Um, sure.
So we should have dinner again sometime.
Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. Uh, how about tonight?
- Oh, I can't. - Oh, yeah, me neither.
- But you just said-- - No, I just meant... metaphorically.
- You're busy? - Drowning. Kim's harassment case.
- How'd you get roped into that? - I offered.
Everyone needs someone in their corner. It's why we went to law school, right?
Absolutely. All four years.
Three years.
Right. Yeah. No, I know.
It's just that the first year seems like two.
Um, Kim's really lucky to have you.
So, after the case, we should grab that dinner.
Great. I'll make pumpkin ravioli.
I love pumpkin ravioli.
I can't wait.
- I got your file from H.R. - That's pretty thick.
It looks like you've been through quite a few assistants.
I'm picky.
Some of those assistants only lasted a couple of weeks.
- One guy quit after lunch, day one. - So?
Look, I'm not judging. I'm asking.
Are you asking if my assistants keep leaving because I sexually harass them?
Kim, you know harassment suits get ugly. We need to be prepared for anything.
You're right. Let's keep going.
- We still need character witnesses. - I'm working on it.
Are you in touch with any of your old assistants?
Why would I keep in touch with people I fire?
- Kim. - Look...
if you're gonna defend me, you need to know a few things.
I'm not warm. I'm not fuzzy.
I don't remember children's names or birthdays or if your parents are visiting.
I do my job. If you want a character witness...
go talk to the guy who owns the deli on the first floor.
I buy my coffee from him every day, and he finds me perfectly delightful.
I have to get back to work. Excuse me.
Hannah fainted in Spanish class, and the school called me in.
And I raced her to the doctor.
And he said she was fainting because of her diet.
The Jillian Ford diet.
Jillian Ford instructs her clients to eat no more than 500 calories a day.
Doctors have a name for this diet. They call it starvation.
Objection. The witness is not a medical expert.
The witness isn't a moron either. Hey, guess what--
You don't have to go to medical school to know that if you don't eat, you starve.
Sustained. Jury will disregard.
What about the supplements that Jillian Ford sells?
According to Hannah's doctor, they're not supplements at all.
There's no fatty acids, no fiber.
The doctor believes that these pills contributed to her arrhythmia.
She may not have liked how she looked before, but...
she was healthy.
Thank you, Claire.
- A teenager can be a lot of work. - Yes, they can.
And parents don't always have control over everything their children do.
No, they don't.
Hannah lost a lot of weight very quickly.
Is it possible that she ignored instructions...
ate too little, and overdosed on the supplements?
- It's possible. - Without you knowing?
Well, I don't know what she's doing every second of the day.
I see.
If- if Hannah was flunking out of school because she watched too much TV...
would you sue the network?
Of course not.
You'd act like a parent and turn off the television.
- And you're a good mother. - I believe so.
Who paid for the Jillian Ford diet plan for Hannah?
- I did. - Really?
You pulled out your credit card...
and bought Hannah something you believe damaged her heart.
No, it's not like that. She was very unhappy.
It seems to me that either you're not such a good mother...
or you're wrong about the Jillian Ford diet. Which is it?
Objection! Disrespectful.
You know, maybe your mother didn't do such a good job.
Withdrawn.
No more questions.
Teri...
you've been an assistant for a while, right?
Dude, are we really gonna have a "what color is your parachute?" moment?
Everyone's got their own path.
No, what I mean is...
you must have a lot of friends in the whole... assistant-paralegal network.
Well, I don't want to brag, but my twitter feed is through the roof.
Do you think maybe you could track down someone who worked for Kim...
and has something positive to say?
- Why would I do that? - Listen, I know you're not best friends...
with her, but do you really think Kim harassed Adam?
No. Tormented, maybe.
Harassed? She's too smart for that.
This lawsuit's a career killer. She may not show it...
but Kim's terrified.
I guess I could make some calls...
maybe hit a couple happy hours after work.
There is no one chattier than a drunk assistant.
Thank you.
Oh, I'm gonna need some money for expenses. Okay if I bill your client?
Adam Bay vs. Kim Kaswell and Harrison & Parker, LLP.
I'm ready to hear witnesses.
I don't think I'll be able to forget the incident.
It wasn't an incident. It was an office Christmas party.
There was an open bar, and I was having a great time.
I was swamped with end-of-the-year paperwork...
but I decided to take a break...
make an appearance, and grab a slice of cake.
Ms. Kaswell invited me back to her office.
I- I figured she just wanted me to do some work.
- But then she shut the door. - He followed me back to my office.
- I never shut the door. - But I couldn't say no.
She's a senior associate.
I didn't think anyone would believe me.
That's when I took out my cellphone and hit record.
What kind of person records their boss?
He's the one who should be on trial, not me.
I can't get a job. I can't sleep.
My doctor said I have post-traumatic stress.
The only thing being stressed is the truth.
He was an incompetent employee.
As a liar, not so bad.
Ms. Kaswell, isn't it true that you worked as a professor's assistant...
during your final year of law school?
I did.
And was Robert Burns one of your students?
Objection. This name never came up in discovery.
Your honor, we obtained this information immediately prior to court today.
It better be relevant.
It is.
Was Robert Burns your student?
- I suppose. - You suppose.
I think you'd remember the name of a student who sued you for sexual harassment.
Objection!
- Did you sleep with your student, Ms. Kaswell? - Your honor!
Sustained. Shut it down, counsel.
Jury will disregard.
Hey, is it okay if I leave early tonight?
Grayson asked me to try and find someone with something nice to say about Kim...
- and it is a long drive to hell. - That case isn't over yet?
What's the rush? I thought you'd want Kim's humiliation to be long and drawn out.
Or maybe that's just me.
I need Grayson to focus on something else.
Like?
Nothing. Never mind.
Oh, the defense just faxed over a new witness list for the Jillian Ford ca--
Oh, you are gonna want to see this.
- He can't call me! - I'm plaintiff's counsel!
Ms. Bingum has information relevant to our defense...
- and she is on our witness list. - I just got that 10 minutes ago.
- 10 minutes is still notice. - This is highly irregular, Mr. Hunter.
I acknowledge that, your honor.
And if you believe we've wasted the court's time, hold me in contempt.
Don't think I won't. But for now, I'm curious.
You have your witness and a very short leash.
- Your honor, you're not really going to-- - Ms. Bingum, consider yourself sworn in.
You've been on a number of different diets, haven't you?
- Objection. None of his business. - Overruled. Answer the question.
Probably.
Have you ever used my client's weight-loss system?
That's a stupid question. Of course not.
So before this trial began, you weren't a big fan...
of the Jillian Ford EZ Thin diet plan?
Two words. "No", and "way".
Care to explain this?
I've tried other diets. Nothing worked.
But after 10 days of being on the Jillian Ford EZ Thin plan...
I've lost 15 pounds!
All I can say is, thank you, Jillian Ford.
I took it off, and I can't wait to keep it off!
I mean, how could you not tell me that you were on her diet?
Okay, this is exactly what they want-- To sway your confidence in me.
- Well, it worked. - Claire, like I told the judge...
I honestly don't remember being on that diet.
I've been on so many, I guess. I don't know!
- You believe me, right? - I don't have much choice.
I have to get back to Hannah. She's not feeling well, and she is furious at me for all this.
I cannot believe that Jillian Ford has more credibility with my daughter than I do.
We're going to fix that.
Why didn't you tell me I was on her diet?
Whoa. Now it's my fault? I can't keep up with your diet of the month.
You're right.
I wonder why I didn't stick with EZ Thin. Do you think it made me sick?
- Maybe you should ask your doctor. - Ooh, good idea.
- Wait. - What?
Who's my doctor?
So... how's the gym working out?
The gym?
At your last physical, you promised me 30 minutes of cardio 3 times a week.
Oh. It's fine.
Listen, I wanted to talk to you about the Jillian Ford diet.
Please tell me you are not thinking about doing that again.
Well, it kind of worked the first time, didn't it?
Selective memory, huh? Tell yourself whatever you want.
It worked... for three weeks, Jane, and then it didn't.
Because I didn't have the discipline.
Why do you always do that to yourself?
Do what?
It had nothing to do with willpower.
Your body could only starve itself for three weeks.
But hundreds of people posted their success stories on her website.
Oh. Yes. And have you seen many of them lately?
Because my guess would be that their success was as short-lived as yours.
This is like when you came to me with the idea about gastric bypass.
- I was gonna have weight-loss surgery? - I wouldn't even give you a brochure.
Well, everything looks good.
Your blood pressure's a little high. You anxious about something?
No.
Well, a little.
It's-- there's something going on at work.
Something or, um, someone?
You're a good doctor.
It's... someone...
I've been meaning to tell something to.
Well, my advice, as a medical professional...
is, um, the sooner you do it, the sooner you'll feel better.
- Thanks. - See you next time, Jane.
Here you go. Two pitchers of the imported stuff.
Keep the tab open. I'll be back.
Hey, guys.
Any room at the Mishop & MacKenzie table?
Drinks are on me.
- What's the occasion? - Kim Kaswell's harassment trial.
We've been drinking to that all night.
So here's a question. Anyone interested in testifying on her behalf?
Do you know if the guys from Melveny are here?
I should have told you about Robert Burns. I just--
How am I supposed to defend you when you keep bombshells like that from me?
- I didn't think it was-- - Relevant?
- You mean you were hoping it wouldn't come up. - I didn't do anything wrong.
This kid didn't like the "C" I gave him and decided to get back at me by filing a complaint.
The school cleared me.
They just settled with him anyway to avoid the publicity.
God, why does this keep happening to me?
- What? - Nothing.
No, I want to hear this.
I've seen you use a pout or a smile to get what you want.
Yeah, it's called normal human behavior. I'm not gonna make excuses for who I am.
I'm just saying you're perceived in a certain way. People will take advantage of that.
Do you believe me... about Adam and Robert Burns?
I do.
But I'm not the jury.
Here's what's gonna happen.
In a few minutes, your phone will ring.
Parker will ask you to come up to his office by yourself.
He'll demand that you settle the case.
Please don't.
Otherwise, I might as well just admit that I'm guilty.
And I'm not.
- Rough night? - You could say.
I've never had less fun getting drunk on someone else's credit card.
Maybe I can help.
Are you trying to flirt with me?
You want me to?
Answering a question with a question-- You sound like a lawyer.
I am. Well, I was, briefly...
until I figured out how much I hate swimming with the sharks.
So I bailed, got a job managing this place.
- You ever work with Kim Kaswell? - No.
Yeah. That'd be too easy.
But I did work with Adam Bay.
You have been eavesdropping.
You're not exactly subtle or quiet.
It's guys like Adam that are the reason why I'm tending bar.
That entire lawsuit is so B.S.
Really? Care to say that in court?
I'm kind of a behind-the-scenes kind of guy.
You know what? Let me call you a cab.
I'll tell you a good story while we wait.
Internet backgammon?
- How'd you know? - Lucky guess.
What are you still doing here?
I have hours of phone calls to make looking for unhappy dieters.
- Are there any other kind? - Good point.
- I heard you had a rocky day in court. - Got rockier when we got back.
Parker called me upstairs. Told me we had to settle.
But I don't think I can do that to Kim.
If we settle, it kills her career.
And if you don't, Parker thinks you're being insubordinate.
Yeah.
Any other client, there'd be no question.
I'd do what he says. But this is Kim. It's different.
'Cause she's a colleague and we work with her?
That's part of it.
There's something else?
Ever since Deb died, I feel like...
I don't know, like she's not really gone. And I keep...
looking for her in other women. And every now and then...
I see something in Kim.
Wait. Before you say anything else, I have something to tell you.
What?
You don't have to look anymore. Deb's here.
I'm Deb.
No, I was on my way to "The Price is Right" audition...
and that's when I got hit by the truck. And up in heaven, I pressed this button...
and they sent me back in this body.
And I know it sounds crazy, but it's true.
Grayson, do you even remember that morning?
Remember? You complimented my knees.
And you found my nail polish...
and you-- you kissed me goodbye.
- Deb? - Yes.
What?
You wanted to tell me something.
Yeah.
Knock, knock.
It took me three happy hours and two last calls, Mr. Kent, sir.
But I am now suitably happy, and soon you will be, too.
Your client is gonna want to buy me an insanely expensive gift.
I'm gonna e-mail her a list of suggestions.
Okay.
I don't believe it.
I guess I'll go check on Teri.
All I can say is, thank you, Jillian Ford.
I took it off, and I can't wait to keep it off!
- What's wrong? - The motor-oil commercial.
- You didn't get it? - Oh, no. I got it.
But then the advertising guy told me I had to lose five pounds by Tuesday.
I told him I would if he would. And then I didn't get it.
Well, good for you.
I hope your week is going better than mine.
I don't know.
I spent all night interviewing former Jillian Ford clients.
And I read all the testimonials online...
people who tried her diet a year ago or two years ago.
Guess how many were able to keep the weight off.
Two.
- But your client Hannah did. - Yeah, and it put her in the hospital.
- What about Jillian Ford? - Yeah, she's the other one.
But I think she's a liar.
You mean maybe she was never fat?
No. Look, there's all these pictures.
Wow. She lost 110 pounds?
She lost Jessica Alba in six months.
I think she's lying about how she lost it...
and how she kept it off.
I went to my doctor yesterday-- Well, Jane's doctor--
And, apparently, I asked about gastric-bypass surgery.
- Really? - Don't get any ideas.
I'd have to gain a Jessica Alba to even qualify.
Do you think Jillian Ford had gastric-bypass surgery?
It makes sense, doesn't it?
She has the surgery to stay thin but tells the world she lost the weight...
through some crazy diet...
and then she sits back and watches the money roll in...
because people are desperate for a magic bullet.
Jane, you're a genius.
Well, not yet. I still have to prove it.
I've noticed that you've been wearing a shawl all week.
- Are you a little chilly, Ms. Ford? - There's a draft.
It's 75 degrees in here.
- And it's stuffy, isn't it? - Your honor.
Move it along, Ms. Bingum.
What's this?
That is an EZ Thin supplement bar. It is a critical staple to my diet plan.
So, your regimen calls for you, or anyone on the diet...
to eat three of these a day, is that right?
That is correct. Yes.
Well, it is about noon, which means you are due for your midday bar.
- Would you do me a solid and eat that? - Excuse me?
Oh, go ahead. Take a big bite. They're tasty. I've tried them.
Your honor, Ms. Ford is here to testify, not to eat a snack.
The issue isn't that she won't eat it-- The issue is that she can't eat it.
Your honor, counsel is giving new meaning to the word "stunt".
Oh, like putting me on the stand didn't do that already.
- Pot, meet kettle! - Overruled. Proceed, Ms. Bingum.
Ms. Ford...
Can you or can you not eat one of your own EZ Thin bars?
At the moment, I cannot.
Is that because the second ingredient listed on the package is sucrose...
and your body can't tolerate sucrose, like anyone else who underwent gastric-bypass surgery?
Objection!
And isn't that why you are wearing a heavy shawl in a warm courtroom--
A little cold-sensitive since the surgery? It's another common side effect.
- Your honor, are you not going to do anything? - Not on your life. I want to hear the answer.
Isn't it true that you had gastric-bypass surgery...
and that's how you lost all that weight?
It is not a crime.
No, it's not.
But your diet plan is.
And when you pawn it off...
on susceptible young women like Hannah Porter, that's fraud.
Your honor, does counsel have a question?
Oh, I have a question.
What is the matter with you?
Well, I see you've come to your senses.
- Where do I sign? - All in good time, son.
Just a few things to go over first.
Adam, this is from your deposition. Can you read the highlighted part?
Yeah. Whatever. As long as I get my check.
"She ate the cake in a lascivious manner and ordered me to make out with her."
- Those your exact words? - Yes. That's what I said.
Great.
Ooh, just a second.
Sorry. I gave you the wrong deposition.
This is Roger O'Malley's deposition.
Who is Roger O'Malley? Parker, what's going on?
Honest mistake. Those depositions look awfully similar.
You know Roger, don't you?
No.
Really? Roger O'Malley.
Sued his boss after a cake-eating incident...
and the case quietly settled for a lot of money.
- Sound familiar? - Who was his lawyer?
Oh, yeah, the guy you worked for before Kim.
You saw my associate here eat a piece of cake...
and thought, why not take a shot yourself?
- What's this? - Your case will be dismissed...
and we never want to see your face again. Sign it.
Need a pen, Adam?
Sign.
I understand the jury has reached a verdict.
In the matter of Claire Porter vs. Jillian Ford Enterprises...
we find for the plaintiff...
and award actual damages in the amount of $75,000...
and punitive damages in the amount of $100,000.
In addition, I'm issuing an injunction...
shutting down the Jillian Ford website, effective immediately.
We're adjourned.
- You did it. - We did it.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
- Mom. - Yeah?
I'm sorry.
Oh, Hannah.
- I just wanted to look-- - I know.
And Jillian made it seem so easy.
I know. I just-- I don't want to lose you.
- You want to go get some lunch? - Yeah.
Yeah, I'd like that.
And then we can go shopping with all that money that we just won.
Yeah. No, that's for college.
- Mom. - Hannah. Good try.
Hey.
Hey!
You came back.
And you're not Fred.
- Who's Fred? - He was... the old mailroom guy.
I just started today. Is there anything I can help you with?
No. I just...
wanted to tell him that I won.
Congratulations.
Big win today.
Thanks.
And, uh, your doctor called. She was just checking in.
She wanted to know if you got that thing off your chest.
- Is it something gross? - No.
And I am going to deal with it...
right now.
Okay. Good night.
- I did thank you, didn't I? - You did.
You also need to thank Teri.
I got it covered-- A suite at the mirage...
and front-row seats to thunder from down under.
Ooh.
But this is for you.
When I won my first case, Parker gave it to me...
told me I couldn't open it until I became partner.
Kim...
I can't accept this.
My career would be over if it weren't for you.
Thanks for being in my corner.
You're welcome.
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